Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
this just has baby written all over it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
