So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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