smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
