dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
