dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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