Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
