just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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