if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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