UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
