I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
