yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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