I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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