I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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