I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
