My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
