she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
