his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
