I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
