Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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