Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
