Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
