Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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