So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
