yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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