I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
