i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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