11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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