In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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