if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
