He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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