i was born a porn star she said
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
