apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
