hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
