That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
