I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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