i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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