I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
