Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
