dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
