For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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