yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
