WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
