Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
