You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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