I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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