just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
