So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
