Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
