it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
