I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
