I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
