i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
