If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
