tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
