He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
