Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
