How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
