it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
