i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
