If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
