you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
