Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
