All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I could fuck to npr.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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