is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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