Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
