Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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