Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
