can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
