I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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