Whod you bang
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
