I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
