FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
