the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
