i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
