Where are you?
In a non slutty way
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
