PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
