I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
