yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
